Love at First Sight – is it Real?
Posted: Monday, November 15, 2010
by Carol Allen Anfinsen
AnfinsenArt
I met my future husband through a Christian dating service called “Equally Yoked Christian Singles.” On our first date, I invited him into the foyer of my three-level townhome while I ran up the first flight of stairs to get my jacket. When I returned and saw him waiting there, I knew I would love him. I felt strongly that this was going to be more than just a “first date.”
Wishful thinking? Perhaps. Or was this an answer to prayer and the longings of my heart? Ten years later, after seven years of marriage, our love continues to grow. I look back and I say, “Yes, it is possible to love at first sight,” especially if that love is part of God’s grand design for our life.
This time around, I wasn’t trying to “look for the perfect person” or for my “Mister Right.” I decided to “be the right person.” With Christ as my focus and the center of my being, I felt more confident that the Lord would bless me with the power of discernment.
An article in the “Daily Word” suggested that God provides those who seek him with “a network of love -- a “safety net” that binds us together with God at the center. That’s also a good definition of the perfect marriage. If God is at the center, a couple is bound together not only by the love they share, but by God’s unending, unconditional love.
I didn’t have that in my first marriage, or the second. Instead, there was a constant power struggle for dominance and control, with me as the weaker opponent. I spent most of my life in “zombie” mode because I was afraid to speak out. If I did, I was punished with months of silence and acts of willful meanness. When I tried to communicate or bridge the gap with affection, I was pushed away or ignored. I felt invisible and unloved.
It wasn’t until we began counseling with a professional that I gained the confidence to express my needs. Once Pandora’s Box was opened, there was no return. The result was constant bickering for I refused to be treated as a doormat or the ultimate scapegoat whenever anything went wrong.
My first divorce propelled me into a strange new world and my old insecurities returned. I ended up in a “rebound” marriage fraught with the same cycle of behavior, only this time it wasn’t emotional and verbal abuse, there was physical abuse, infidelity, and financial theft.
After that divorce, I complained to God that all those years of marriage were wasted, and that all the love I’d given was wasted. His answer to me:”Love is never wasted;” and then he opened my mind to a vision of his power and love. God impressed upon me that his love is so strong, so powerful that it literally holds this world together as surely as does the power of gravity.
Florence Scovel Shinn the author of “The Game of Life and How to Play it” put it this way: “Love is God in manifestation, and the strongest magnetic force in the universe. Pure, unselfish love draws to itself its own; it does not need to seek or demand.”
Since I had never experienced this kind of love, I was also unable to give it. I grew up in a “church centered” environment, and did not understand the concept of focusing on Christ or having Christ at the center. This came much later after many life struggles, the answer to prayer, and the yearnings of my heart.
When Christ is in and of the marriage, when the Holy Spirit is “indwelling” in the marriage, its success is almost certain. The only thing that could possibly alter the outcome is sin, infidelity, or a rejection of the Holy Spirit.
Woman’s command is to be faithful to her husband and to “reverence” and respect him. (Eph 5:33) The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church which requires dedication, respect, loyalty and reverence.
As a child, I was drawn by the Holy Spirit to a picture of Jesus in the Bible, but I did not “love him at first sight.” It was only when I knew Him as my Savior and Redeemer that I loved him.
“Love at first sight” may come from a recognition that the other person is part of God’s plan for my life, or it could come from strong need or desire; even lust. The only way we can know for certain is through prayer and patience.
For some that may seem like a long wait. “Even youths grow tired and weary,” the scriptures tell us; “and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord (and “wait upon him”) will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isa 40:30-31NIV)
Sometimes the feelings we have that seem like “love at first sight” are experiences of “Déjà vu,” the sense that “we’ve been here before or that we’ve known this place or this person. Perhaps these “Déjà vu” episodes are really gifts from God that allow us small glimpses into his omniscient plan for our lives.
“Love at first sight” should be viewed as a seed that is planted. If the soil is good, it will thrive. If not, it will wither with age. We must have the patience to “wait and see” if the seed bears fruit before we jump in over our heads. If the relationship is right, if it is good, it will grow. We don’t need to rush love, save it, or hold it. When time and the relationship are right, love will be there waiting for us to reap its fulfillment (Isa 64:4 KJV).
As the farmer plants the seed, tends it and nurtures it, we must nurture our relationships, especially one as vital as marriage. If the relationship is good, it will grow and eventually we’ll reap the harvest.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Enjoyed your blog...blessings! May God continue to bless your marriage and your gift for writing and painting! You are so talented!Thank you so much for visiting my blog and reading my article! I appreciate your comments and your blessings!
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