Is Your Life Spinning Out of Control?
Posted: Thursday, December 02, 2010
by Carol Allen Anfinsen
AnfinsenArt
What do we hold onto when the going gets rough? When a job is lost, a marriage crumbles, and faith seems hollow?
Some people turn to others. They put their faith in a spouse or partner, in a dear friend or relative. Some ride the tide of popular opinion. They coast, slide, cruise or hold onto the coattails of politicians, sports figures or celebrity. They cling to the opinions of others Instead of listening to the “still small voice” within and acting with self-confidence.
To put it another way: placing our faith in people or things is like leaning our ladder of hope against the wrong tree. It supports us in the beginning, and we think it’s helping; but when we get to the top, instead of the answers we seek, we may find a hornet’s nest.
Why? Because now more people are involved in our problem, more advice is given, more suggestions are offered, and we end up feeling more confused than ever. What seems like a warm and supportive “help” system is now leading us into unfamiliar territory with more questions than answers.
When we “look for love (or help) in all the wrong places,” we’re like those broad-winged birds of prey that ride the warm air currents, soaring and spinning in never-ending circles. Technically, they’re getting a free ride to nowhere. How often do we look for a free ride, for the easy way out? And instead, we end up on a sad trip to nowhere.
Don’t get me wrong. There are people who can help us; people we can trust, people whose opinions we value. But there also are a lot of well-meaning people out there who don’t have the answers. And there are toxic people waiting in the wings who would love to mislead us if they could; people who delight in taking advantage of others in moments of weakness or vulnerability.
Jude called these toxic people “spots in your feasts of charity…clouds they are without water, carried about of winds; trees whose fruit withers…raging waves of the sea…wandering stars.” (Jude 12-13) People who are not rooted in truth, nor are they anchored to the giver of life. “Murmurers, complainers, walking after their own lusts; and their mouths speak great swelling words, having men’s persons in admiration because of advantage.” (Jude 16)
Still, there are good people in the world who can help us and give us support: medical professionals, clergy, family and friends. But even here we must use prayer and discernment; remembering that these people are only human. God is and always has been the anchor of my soul. He it is who loves me and cares for me. I try to let the spirit speak to me wherever I am and whoever I’m with, knowing that I can trust him. In the end, we must do our own work, our own change, our own healing and restoration with God as our partner.
Almost all of us “have been there done that” at one point in our lives. Some people call it “the Christian walk;” our test in “the fiery furnace.” The good thing is there is a way out. Seeking God and surrendering our lives to him leads us upward and out of our present dilemma like nothing else or no one else can. We should use every resource available to us to get help. But God should be part of that equation if we are to make any lasting changes.
Most of our problems come from sin, from lack of self-control both physically and emotionally, and from human weakness. Whenever a desire or a temptation comes to us, we have a choice either to give into it, run from it as Joseph did from Potiphar’s wife in the Bible (Gen 39:7-12), or replace the temptation with a positive thought, a prayer, or an action that turns our mind and our heart to something else. Sometimes we just need to slow down, re-evaluate our priorities, and examine our life and how we use our time.
A good place to start is by making a list of those things in your life that are causing you stress or unhappiness. Leave room on the right side of the paper for a possible solution. As you list and assess each item, situation, action and responsibility that contributes to your overall stress, ask yourself:
- Is it necessary?
- Is it important?
- If I don’t do it, what is the worst thing that can happen?
- Have I taken this problem to the Lord?
- Have I listened for an answer?
- Do I feel the spirit working in me and through me?
- Do I feel God’s love and peace in my decision and in the process?
If this exercise doesn’t help you define your problem and solve it, seek the help of an unbiased professional or friend and continue in prayer.
Through the “listing” process, I've discovered that much of my own stress comes from expectations: thinking I should be better, smarter, etc. Misplaced expectations account for much of the dissatisfaction and unhappiness that causes the stress in our lives.
We may think a happy life consists of certain things that we’re not getting. Or we may want a different lifestyle or income level, and we think we deserve those things. We may even assume everybody else has what they want and they seem happy; why aren’t we?
Where do these misconceptions come from? Sometimes we make assumptions about others that are not true. Perhaps we believe that the fantasy world of television is like real life when it’s simply staging, manipulation and imagination. Maybe we carry unrealistic childhood misconceptions and fantasies into adulthood. At any rate, these expectations and distortions are usually the source of most stress or unhappiness.
Negative, wishful thinking that is mired in self-pity is another major source of stress. Changing our perceptions, our thought habits, and our expectations is difficult, but it can be done as we become more aware of how our thoughts affect our feelings and actions.
When we spend too much time on low-priority items that don’t contribute to our overall growth and development, we feel stress. Our life becomes lop-sided, and the purpose for our being becomes blurred. When we focus on selfish motives or worldly desires instead of focusing on Christ, we lose the ability to discern right from wrong and good from evil; a recipe for disaster.
The process of list making clarifies our thoughts, highlights problem areas, and helps us focus on what’s important. The goal is to achieve a healthy balance in our life. With God as our partner, we can, once again, get control of the “out-of-whack” things in our life. How do I know? Because this process worked for me, and I know it can work for you. Through prayer, elimination of stressors, and focusing on your life priorities, you can regain health, peace, and control of your life.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)A wonderfully inspiring and well-written piece, Carol. Thank you!Appreciate that, Judy.
I think Ive covered everything with my havac life. 3 kids 30, 20, 15 and homeschool the 15.they are so demanding and my husband just sits back like dont worry be happy.Ive been very sick with vertigo and i could fall down the stairs and he would go are you ok. with a yell.its so out of control i dont even know where to begin. hes a only child wow and then he moves his mom from ny to S.c with us and he goes on his marry way leaving her for me to take care of now thats spinning.Your life is definitely hectic. I had six chldren, a disastrous marriage, a life-threatening near-death experience, and a traumatic personal event that left me confused and without hope. My faith in Jesus Christ was the only thing that pulled me through. Focus your life on him and you will get it together!
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